A Workout Plan for Lazy People

A customized ass-kicking no matter what level you’re at: a wimp like me, or a seasoned gym rat.

It all started when a close male friend of mine texted me, “Want to do something that involves a lot of sweating and grunting?” Dubious, I replied “…sure? Like what–hauling bags of water softener salt?” 😉 He proceeded to throw down the gauntlet and challenge me to a workout routine that could be followed through our phones. It was a great success.

This is the second part of a trio of blog posts on weight loss, food, and working out. I am a lazy cheapskate, and that makes it really difficult for me to get to the gym. Allow me to complain for a brief moment before I reveal the phone app solution we used.

My Pain Points

  1. Sweating | I hate sweating. I hate working out so hard that I leak out of my pores.
  2. I’m Impatient | I don’t like long workouts because I have SHIT to do, you know? Like work 8 hours a day, feed and entertain my kid, maintain a relationship with my husband, watch Jordan Peterson videos and write blog posts about how much I hate working out.
  3. Gyms + cheapskate | I hate going to the gym. You have to pack shit in a bag, and if you forget something it makes your workout less enjoyable–most importantly, your headphones because without them you have to listen to the machinery around you. Got to remember your charged up phone, water, your elastic hair band, your SHOES AND SOCKS. And how about the process of driving there, parking (and since I live in Minnesota, this part is all outdoors, which is no small feat in January when it’s minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit), finding a locker, getting naked in front of strangers, getting dressed in your gym clothes, and then doing the entire process in reverse to get back home again. It takes so long to do all this, that you feel obligated to spend at least an hour at the gym to make it all worthwhile. When you get home you have wash your goddamn clothes because–one workout, and they’re a mess. So you need fresh clothes every time you go to the gym. I don’t even have room in my dresser for five sets of clean workout clothes, nor do I want to go to the store to even buy them. Yes, I am THAT lazy. Don’t even get me started on the cost of gyms. It’s like $120 per month for the YMCA membership, and that’s actually quite cheap for some people, but for me it’s the first thing to get cut in the budget. Especially when, for all the reasons I listed above, you stop going because it’s such a goddamn pain in the ass. I mean, for fucks sake. It’s just too much.
  4. Gear + cheapskate | I alluded to this above, but I am extremely cost-conscious. I don’t like buying anything that doesn’t contribute to my immediate needs which, in case you excessive spenders need reminding are: food, shelter, clothing and alcohol. So when you workout, whether it’s in a gym or at home, you are often faced with buying decisions like getting your own treadmill, medicine balls, dumbells, balance balls, or what have you. Plus there’s the workout clothes and shit like that.  Ugh. I want to break out in hives at all that spending.
  5. I’m a wimp + cheapskate | When I DO finally get to work out, I’m not very focused or motivated. Running on a treadmill is great and all, but you’re only working on a few muscles at a time and it gets super boring after a while. “Do something more fun like dance or swimming!” you say. Well, those kinds of things usually cost extra. I don’t have money to hire a personal trainer that would put together a customized plan with variety and help keep me on track and actually get stronger.

See yourself in these pain points? Good. Then you’re in the right place, because I’m about to rave about how much I love this app my friend recommend to me.


LEVEL TWO

A Workout Plan for Lazy Cheapskates, Part 2/3 of my Health Series


The Solution.

  • The app is free.
  • The app has a great, well-rounded plan that touches on each muscle group.
  • The workouts are short–16 minutes of intense torture and then you’re done. I can do my routine and shower up within the span of one my son’s favorite 25-minute cartoon shows.
  • There are three workouts a week with rest periods between each, and weekends off. If you need me to do the math for you, that’s a mere 48 minutes of torture.
  • The exercise plan lasts for 12 weeks which is just long enough to give you variety if you start it over after the 12th week.
  • The app does not require any special equipment other than a chair and a wall. However, an exercise mat is a nice addition to give you grip on the floor.
  • You can do the exercises anywhere you have your phone and some space. If you go on a week-long vacation you don’t have to worry about losing your stride just because there are no gyms nearby.
  • At the risk of TMI, I did not buy any extra clothes to use this app. I don’t do any extra laundry either… I’ll let you deduce for yourself what that means, exactly. 😉
  • As you enter your scores, it will motivate you to beat your own scores each time you use it.

Cons? Yes, there are a few.

  • The app’s user interface isn’t really that well-designed, which is just a minor annoyance of mine since I’m a UX designer. I got over it and so can you.
  • It’s also rather dated, and I don’t think there’s any maintenance being done on it anymore, which is a shame because it’s a great program.
  • It will kick your ass.
  • It will repeatedly kick your ass for weeks.
  • You will feel pain. Definitely in the first 10 weeks, but that does lessen once to get to maintenance.
  • It’s a customized ass-kicking no matter what level you’re at–a wimp like me, or a seasoned gym rat.
  • If you’re like me, you will feel humiliated because you won’t be able to even do one real pushup in the beginning. (For men, I think this is less of a problem. They seem to have arm muscles even if they don’t work them out regularly.)

But you know what? I like that the workouts are short. “Do it.” I tell myself, “It’ll be over in 16 minutes.” By week 12, I definitely noticed the difference in my legs and arms. Abs, not so much yet, but that’s because I’m carrying a lot of weight there from my pregnancy. That area is improving, though. I’m being patient with my progress, and you should too.

I plan on doing this routine 3x week until I am no longer physically able to. It’s easy for a lazy cheapskate like me to maintain this routine, which makes it sustainable for long-term use. My future 50-year old self thanks my 30-year old self for making this routine a part of my life.

Unveiling the App: Max Capacity Training

Without further ado, here’s where you can get “Max Capacity Training” app for yourself. Get crackin’.

Tips

  • Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t stay on-schedule. If you end up missing a routine, you won’t be able to skip it because of the way the program is set up. Just do it up next as soon as you can. Keep moving forward.

Image Source: Pixabay

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